• Oct. 27th, 2009 at 8:09 PM

I just feel like writing at the moment. I keep trying to do things and keep getting sidetracked. I guess I should be doing some of that right now. The baby is asleep, my mom is kinda sitting quietly. At least she isn’t nagging me about anything.

Ex- baby daddy called tonight. I think that is weighing on my mind right now. I met him while taking the movies back to “Walgreens”. Some asshole wouldn’t move his bike out of the way for the baby and I. Ex – bd got all bent out of shape and pissed off. He yelled at him there. Then when we were leaving he went and yelled at him again.

Ex – bd went to the liqur store to “get cigs” (but that’s a whole different story), and ran into the guy again. When he came out of the store the guy was “talking to the cops”. And he got his ass beat.

Then, I got a call and had to hear all of it. with a slight slur in his voice. I don’t think he’s been going to counsling the last few weeks. He’s been taking the money, but I don’t think he’s gone or is going to go tomorrow.

I’ve been really emotional lately, part because of spending yesterday w/ him at the appartment. I hate doing that because he tries to get all up on me. I’m really not feeling him right now.  I love him but it’s more like how you love a brother or cousin, not like a lover.

I really feel that I need to go out. I need to date. Hell I need to do a lot of stuff. But just for myself I think I need to see someone. I mean like an old someone and see what my reaction to them is. It would have to be someone that i’ve had that crazy chemestry with before. you know like a obsession guy – or ex – bar owner. if it was someone only half ass i don’t know if that would do it.

I want to make sure it’s him, not me. or should i say my reaction to him. But that would take getting up the courage and nerve to go out with someone else. I’d be scared the whole time. like i was doing something wrong.

Getting back with ex – bd isn’t going to happen though. I really don’t think it will


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