Stressed

Right off the bat today has been hell. You know how I can really tell that I’m stressed out? My dyslexia is coming out.

So first my mom starts and is all stressed about her car not working. She can’t find the tools that will be needed to work on it. I’m trying to tell her that I don’t even know if we will need the tools she is looking for but that doesn’t help. tell me about his Dr appointment. The insurance he got doesn’t cover everything and he has to pay money. $75 before he can make another appointment to get his cast taken off. $150 in total, not including todays appt. exrays and cast.

So that is freaking him out, and he tells me that he isn’t getting his bonus check for last month because the bitch in accounting doesn’t think he should have one. He only missed 3 days. They really don’t like him there much. But he is really good at the job so they put up with his bad attitude.

Then he starts crying. He cries all the time, but it doesn’t make it much less unnerving. So he gets over it. We start talking about the car. He gets off the phone.

My mom is now as the ass end of her freak out. and is finally starting to wind down. He calls back and starts talking about prices of parts. Things are looking up. I’m busy so I get off the phone.

In the mean time my mom takes a shower and I start watching Prince Caspian with the baby. I cry, its the beginning and I cry. (which reminds me I’ve got to check and see if they are making any of the other books into movies. I don’t think so but I hope so. # 2 is the worst of the books. It’s sad they won’t make the rest because that one did badly)

My mom gets out of the shower and I stop crying before she can see that I am. She is finally stettled down and watching the movie with the baby. (lets call baby bobby)

I’m trying to calm down and do a little work. Ex-bd calls back and starts pushing the issue of coming over and doing the car, asking when and things like that. I tell him that she has been hella stressed is just calming down and that i don’t want to bug her about it right now. He keeps pressing the issue because he has things to do later.

I tell him again that I don’t want to bother her right now and stress her out again. he pushes it again. Then he changes the subject to “i’m not going to get to see you today am i? and I say no, not unless it has something to do with the car. That sets him off.

I tell him maybe but i have things to do. He hangs up on me. I’ve seen him more since he broke the stupid foot than I have in the last 2 months combined. Now he doesn’t get to see me one day and has a fit. Yes, he’s having a bad day, no he doesn’t know how he’s going to pay the rent. But none of that is my problem any more. He should have thought about that before he ever hit me.

He acts like it was this last time that did it. He is so very wrong. It wasn’t that time, it was the first time. I’ve tried to kid myself into thinking maybe we could get back together, but it’s not ever going to happen.

He is bugging me so much i’m ready to start telling people the real story. Yes I’m still protecting him in some ways. but i’m sick of his shit. He was/is going to give me $1200 from his $5500 tax check. prob. won’t now. even though I should be getting that money regardless. I’m the one taking care of the baby, i’m helping him with food, i’m not going on wellfare and telling them we aren’t living together anymore. I’d get way more money if i did, but no I’m not doing anything to screw him over.

I so sick and tired of his demanding shit. I just want it all to stop. I wish he would make good on his threat to not see us anymore. I don’t need his stressing me out.

Hell there could be something medically wrong with me. I’ve been losing hair again. and i can’t go to a dr because I don’t have any medical.

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