Sat Night

Well I screwed that up pretty quick. oh well, maybe i;ll double post for a few days to make up for it. I’m talking about the writing everyday thing. I could make a lot of excuses. reasons why. Most of them are legit though so does that still make it an excuse?

I think I stopped writing because that day the same thing that happened to me today happened. My ex called while he was drunk. It both scares and disgusts me.

While on the phone saying how much he loves me, his jealously and insecurities come out. trying to think of what. oh he asked if any boys were here and I said just the dog and baby. He “made the joke” “that’s it we’re coming over now”. I was pretty much horrified.

Next he’s saying there are things he wants to talk about tomorrow. Oh dear god the last think i was to know is that. I know how guys feel when girls say that now. Emotionally I think that’s pretty much how this relationship is. He cries more than I do. Even when I was pregnant.

To make matters worse his aunt died either yesterday or the day before, great aunt. He hasn’t seen or talked to her in years, but he was still really upset. I tried to be sympathetic. But I think everything he has put me though has partially killed that. And that I have so many issues going on that I have trouble handling any more. So block.

I’m a wreck, have been for the last few hours since the drunk ass called. I’ve done the deep breathing to no avail. Now i’m hoping this works. Well this and a little bit of uno.

I also saw one of our friends who was a couple we hung out with. I’m not sure if they saw me, but since the chick has been acting kinda strange, I didn’t go out of my way. I might have if the baby was with me, but he was asleep in the car.

Funny back in the old days, the happy days, I would have just been starting my night out. maybe been there an hour on some nights a little more. Now i’m here trying to calm down and go to sleep.

Of course in the old days i didn’t have someone getting me up at 8 or 9 am either. It still bugs the hell out of me that I know these people that are so very happy with married family life. There must be something wrong with me. At least I have one person that I know understands me. Though I haven’t gotten to see her since my baby shower. We talk though.

I also found out a few days ago that a friend of mine got married. No invite to that one for me. Which well, how do we say I probably wouldn’t have gone anyway. But if it wasn’t for me they may never have gotten together.

You see,  this girl and I were seeing the same guy, at pretty much the same time. I didn’t know she was seeing him, but she knew at least a little, because I can’t keep my mouth shut even when I’m supposed to.

So because the guy dropped her for me, she ended up with this guy she just married. They seem to have this great life together. Me and the guy, well we didn’t work out, and from what I’ve heard we are both pretty much still misreble. BTW I didn’t find out

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