Yesterday was nice, today not so much.
I went out with a friend who has a little boy close in age to mine. We ate and ran errands, nothing important, but it was good to get out of the house.
Today was a mess. I almost kept the good mood going. Then I went to visit/help out ex- bd. I told him to lay off talking about my sister. Sure she’s a piece of shit, but i was sick of it. And it was one of the things we’d fought about before.
Well we fought about it again. Nothing physical this time. But it opened the door to a lot of things. We talked mostly about me and how long I had wanted to leave before i did.
How messed up I was because of the way he treated me. How scared I still am. He threatened to take the baby again. I will never ever forgive that. He also said he was in control everytime he went off or hit me.
I don’t know if I believe that. I do know that if I did I would fully hate him. I did tell him my two relationship truths. One, is that no relationship is a waste of time. If it was, then you shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Second, is that all relationships end. People either break up or die. You can’t stop death, and with the exception of people getting killed together or “The Notebook”, someone always has to die first. Maybe you, maybe them.
I’ve had people not like that, my mom being one of them. That’s real, that’s life. If you don’t like it, that’s just too damn bad.
So yeah I was a nearly histerical mess for a little while, then I just went numb. I’m still a little. Or that could be the booze kicking in….