Tue night 1/19/10

I didn’t write last night. sorry for that. I was way too sleepy.

Tonight i’m sore and not sleepy. Had an interesting day. Went to ex- bd. He wants to get back with me. He says he’ll get us a 2 bedroom apartment, will be my bitch…

Yeah, but he’s not going to go without sex. And the last thing I want to do on earth is have sex with him. And I really don’t think he’s changed. He may think he has, but I don’t. Of course he also thinks that our fight has made us closer.

Buddy, just because you’ve gotten stuff of your chest doesn’t mean shit.

Things went ok at my house tonight until about 9. Usually it starts at 7, but what the hell. I go outside to see what of my writings (like say journals) from when i was younger I can rescue form the storm. (i have the majority of my things in the backyard in plastic boxes). this box happened to be clear box and I noticed it was taking on water.

It also had posters from the old days, flyers from the last days of my favorite venue, stuff like that. Well anyway she starts bitching because the baby is getting into stuff. I come in and say hey can’t you pick him up and stop him while I do this for 5 mins? she starts her shit. He’s not my son, blah blah. So I mention that she was whining about 2 bags of clothes that were in the car and got wrinkled, while most of my clothes are out back in the damp and rain.

She then says I should shut up or she’ll give me a black eye. This was as i was walking out the door. I said try it, you’ll never see me or the baby again. Of course she didn’t hear this part. I’d love for her to do that though. She’s fucked up most of my life, I’ll totally screw what’s left of hers. Please just give me a reason.

I’d love to disappear. To really go where no one could find me. That was always the super power I wanted to be invisible. Of course flying was a close 2nd. Freedom. That more than anything else is what I want.

I wish i could update this from my phone. That would really make life easier. Can you update via email? I can get email on my phone… I guess i’ll have to check it out.

I need to make a list of everything in my life that I want to change. Then I need to figure out how to change it.

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