crappy

I’m having a hard day, a hard night.

I really screwed myself today because of my mother and sisters inability to be adults.

I spent $350 of my oh shit money on a present for my mom. It was something she really needs and will love, but its kinda killing me.

And now she is going to need help fixing her car. My boyfriend could help her, but doesn’t want to.

And of course he is the reason that spending the money is killing me. I really want to get away from him. I really can’t stand him.

I really want that money so I can get away. I just feel sick right now. Like I’m going to throw up.

I hate being around him when he drinks. It just pisses me off and makes me sick. There was no reason for him to drink tonight.

I worked as hard as I could and it wasn’t enough. I put clothes away I got all the dishes done, I had the front room pick up.
but he still went and drank, he still left me alone most of the ngiht while he went and played video games with his friend.

I’m crying, I’m more actually sobbing. I’m so sick of dealing with him. His selfishness. I don’t want him to work on my mom’s car. I don’t want to deal with it.

I’d rather spend the money.

I wish there was some support. I wish I had a shoulder to lean on.
Hell I just wish I had someone who picked up after themself, kept their word and didn’t make things worse.

He ALWAYS makes things worse. Everything is always about him. I just don’t know how I’m going to get away from him.

Well I do have my plan. It’s just not working that well. It takes time, just look how far I have come.

So much better. But he always wants more. More than I’m willing to give, more than I’ll ever give him the satisfaction of having me do. I may do what he wants, but I’ll never be happy about it and in making this (what ever it is) happen, he is nailing the coffin just that much more securely.

The things I do, I do in spite of or to spite him. Time consuming bastard.

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