today

it was a pretty good day today, at least until he got sent home early.

now he’s all pissed off at his mom for not contacting him sooner. He has been drinking really heavily lately, things are just progressively getting worse. which is of course the way it works i guess.

I’m just kinda waiting. waiting for what? for him to hurt one of us? for me to finally decide I can’t take this anymore?

I can’t seem to ever do enough. I don’t know if I should try to talk to him or if I should just disappear again.

He seems to greatly fear that I will disappear. I can’t blame him. most of his ex’s have probably disappeared. maybe not. one walked out and avoided him, the other sent him to jail.

did i mention that he accused me of drugging him. where does he get that shit? I’d love it if I could put him to sleep when ever I wanted though.

I know what I need to do, but I don’t seem to be able to do it

he was talking about my little fat roll tonight. right after he grabbed my butt. I wish he would’t touch me most of the time.

I’m afraid he’s going to really hurt me. I’m afraid something is going to set him off and he’s going to push things too far and that he is going to hurt me.and if he hits me again he might do something worse to stop me from taking the baby.

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