So sick of it

I’ve had a really bad cold for the last 5 days the 3 days before that the baby was sick. So we’ll say for a little over a week I’ve been almost out of commission.

In this time the ass hole has only helped by letting us buy premade food so I don’t have to cook.

Yeah, that’s it. No helping with dishes (I have to hand wash) no offering to cook or help with laundry. Then today he actually had the nerve to start bitching about not having socks and things being messy.

I’m sick of him, his drinking his selfishness, his wasteful spending. He really just makes me sick. At this point I’m just waiting and trying to get everything together so I can leave.

I can’t stay with him because I know he will either accidentally or purposely hurt myself or our son. Its sad to me that his drinking is going to get in the way of everything.

Well that’s not totally true. I don’t think I would really like him even if he was sober. He is a racist, a bully, selfish, sexist, mean, old fashioned …

I could go on and on. Old fashioned isn’t necessarily the worst thing, but its bad for me. He also doesn’t like my religion. And he cares WAY to much about what other people think.

Lot of people care about that. I’ve always been different. There were times when I wanted to fit in. Most of the times I’ve tried I regret it.

We all want to belong and be accepted. The difference is that I’d rather only have a few friends who accept me for who I am. And ya know what I actually have a bunch of friends when I can be myself. When I don’t have to watch every word.

I have a crush on one of the guys who works in the meat department at the supermarket. He’s cute and seems sweet. Most important, I think he likes me.

I’ve been a little obsessed. And in trying to act like I don’t care have been avoiding him like the plague. Well maybe more just not going out of my way to run into him.

I know its just desperation & sugar plumbs dancing in my head. But whatever gets you through right?

Speaking of which, I figured out how to possibly enjoy sex with ass hole. I pretend I’m someone else. Kinda like a masturbation fantasy. I’m someone else, he’s someone else. Its all make believe.

Its worked once or twice, maybe it will work all the time
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®


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