Kinda happy

I know the updates have been slim. I’m not sure why, so I won’t try to explain.

I’m kinda happy tonight in a strange way. I finally got some of his threating rants recorded. Yeah I know sorta sick.
Its been a hard week. At least I think its been a week. Time moves strangely around me.

He has been bad to Sonny. And I’ve decided I have to leave him. No more of the wavering or second guessing. No one puts a bruise on my baby.

Yeah it got kinda ugly one night. I think I kinda blocked the details. Or, maybe it was all calm, and then thing got bad. He hit him in the leg. I hit asshole with the broom I was using to. Clean crumb. Then he hit him in the same spot again. It was the night before yesterday. Sat night.

I pulled sonny up and told him to go. Then last night at the movies he pinched Sonny. Like he was proud of it he said he pinched him as hard as he could.

I stayed calm and said I’m not going to get into this now, but you need to stop this. for real, this is not cool. I put it some different way.

I’ve been saying that sort of thing often recently. You know like for the good of the relationship. Or to save the relationship.

It all started tonight because someone in the building died. He called her the walmart lady. I don’t really know who that is.

Maybe under different circumstances I’d care, like if I could picture the woman, but with everything I’ve got going on, I don’t.

Does that make me heartless? By some peoples standards I’m sure it does. I like to think of it as survival. I don’t know I’ve always been somewhat detached from death. Maybe because I don’t think of it as so bad.

At this moment I’m reminded of the first time asshole and I got in a really bad fight and he punched me. I was hysterical the whole time except for one moment. He had hit me and I said I’d probable leave him. It took a min but he freaked out again and he grabbed a knife and came after me. He held it near my throat. It was one of the most truly peaceful moments I’ve had in many years.

He saw it in my eyes, in my expression, “go ahead bitch set me free”. He backed off me and ran into the room where the baby was playing. He didn’t hurt him. Didn’t even really go near him.

His own daughter told me I should leave him. She told me she was afraid that something would happen while she was here and she wouldn’t be able to do anything.

I had a “friend” recently tell me that I should leave him. That he had an extra room. of course this is someone who I had a brief relationship with before. So I’m sure he’d like to prove that he’s not an ass. It was shortly before my current nightmare started.

Ok not sure but I think I’m done for now.


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