Not feeling it today. Not feeling anything. Asshole has had me stressed out most of the day, well the night anyway.
He talks endlessly about the same the things. And most of the time none of this stuff interests me in the least. Even when it does I can only stand talking about out for so long. Its out wrong I’d rather have a conversation edith a three year old than him when he’s drunk?
Then he got all jealous when I left the dijon to read sonny a story. He comes in in the middle if the story end us like make the bed.
I try to stall for a min so I can finish and he goes out to the front room and pouts. Out was disgusting.
And now he’s mad at the friends of his who said they distract him if I left him.
The other day we were at their house and one of the be guys friends came over who happened to also be my friend. It was so good to see him. Out also made me realize that out was the first time I’d felt safe in quite a while.
I talked to we another of my friends yesterday. He said he’d help me leave. I’m thinking in my head why would I walk into a disaster like that? Run away with you somewhere. He must have been drunk. Which is something I’m sorta working on right now . Well if you can count a 32 as worthing on it. I have a stash of two if them. Ok, one now. Sometimes after a bad evening I like to have a drink after he passes out. I don’t always because its bad for me, its expensive and I’m really afraid I’ll end up like him. or that he will find a way to use it against me.
I started looking for professional help today. I don’t know if I can do this alone. Of need to read my books to. But I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t know how to leave. I really don’t know how to deal with what happens after I leave. That’s the worst part.
I don’t wasn’t to leave sony alone with him. Sometimes I think that really its why I stay. Because I know that if I’m here I can almost always be around to protect him. If I leave I don’t know that I will. And I know you say do this do that don’t let him…
I just wish I didn’t ever have to deal with him again. I don’t want him in sonny’s life ever. You should hear the way he talks about his daughter. He said he hated her and didn’t love her.
I love that girl. She is a good kid. At least as good a can be expected from how they treat her.
I guess I’m done for tonight. Wish me luck and send good energy our prayers. I need them.