sucky night

so many things to write about. felt like crap all day. really really tired. he came home started drinking but was cool. I actually though for a moment it was going to be an ok night.

Then he decided to go to bed. instead of making me come in there and have sex he said no don’t bother. Then he said he was going to go live somewehre else. I made the face. that what the hell are you talking about you arent’ really leaving me are you face. and he said yeah that’s right I’m leaving you and you too are on your own.

he left us alone for a little while, then came out and started witht he I’m drinking bleach or draino or something bull shit. I was scared. so I used that to seem concerned. he went back in the room. then popped back out. and said something else equally off the wall.

Then he called me in there, I thought it was for sex, but it was worse. He started talking about how he’s all alone, and how he was ruined by his family and how he was going to leave for work tomorrow and not come back because he was afraid he was going to ruin Sonny the way his father and grandfather ruined him. He said it was almost too late already. that he wanted him to become a man and to not know fear.

That there were people who could help teach him. He said that he was going to leave in the morning and that they would find him by 4, that, that is when I’d get the call.

I tried to say the right things, and all the time all I could think is that i’m not that lucky.

He let me leave the room. then he came back out saying he was done with all of it and didn’t want to do any part of anything any more. and looking for draino again.

then he went back in. and came out again and said he was saying good bye to Sonny. and he went back in the room

then he called me in. and wanted sex, then he said to go and started talking about some girl he was going to go fuck. and I was like why are you being like this tonight. I said i’d come in. then he said he didn’t know if he was attracted to me any more and made some fat crack.

I’m thinking go fuck yourself. I know I’m hot and I don’t have to be a string bean.

I really hate him. and I really gotta get out of here. At least my mom said I could go back there. I don’t want to, but I don’t know what else to do.

I mostly don’t know how to leave. Do I do it slow or fast? Do I try to tell him or sneak out? i’m so lost and I don’t know what to do, I just know I need to go and go soon. It’s getting too bad

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