I updated this blog today. I know I always say I will write more. The truth is between all the things to be done everyday and the stuff I’m trying to do for work it’s hard to find the time.
It’s also hard to think about what has been going on lately. I’m lucky the bf is gone on a fishing trip tonight. While I still have way to much to do, at least I don’t have him looking over my shoulder.
I know I’m going to get hit again soon. I can feel it brewing. It’s one of those things where there is nothing I can do. I can try to be perfect and fail, or I can be myself and hope he doesn’t really hurt me. Then I can just leave. I’m not sure where I’d go. my mom’s, my friends, a shelter. I just know I have to get out and soon.
I’m really trying to plan on doing it when the lease is up. I don’t know how yet, but that way I won’t be leaving him hi and dry. yeah I know I shouldn’t care, and I don’t really. This is a selfish thing, it’s so he can’t say I bailed on him, it’s so I don’t have to listen to the guilt trips. Just a few more months.
What is really putting this into perspective is that I posted a few old posts from a site I don’t use anymore. I’ve wanted out since 2008. It was at some point that year when all of this really started.