This is an update. I’m just going to put what has been happening without a lot of expression because I don’t think I can express it right now. too much emotion too tired, to drained.
Really it started years ago. but that isn’t what I was going to write. Figuring this out is like asking what came first the chicken or the egg because it all builds off each other. Lets see I guess we’ll just start where I think my last post left off. Asshole didn’t touch me for a few days, but he did last night.and it sucked almost as much as last time. He’s been really difficult lately.
It’s not an excuse and I don’t pretend to forgive him for anything he has done, but he has been working a lot at the house. its putting him in a bad mood and he’s been drinking a lot. Today I was hoping he’d be gone before I had to get up. As much as I tried it didn’t work. then my mom showed up. Which was
fuck fuck fuck. I just lost a bunch that I typed and I can’t putit all back.
So basically we piss Asshole off and he slaps Sonny on the head pretty damn hard. I just instinctivly slap Asshole on the stomach and snatch sonny out of his grip. but he gets him in the back before I can get him far enough.
some thing something. he tells me to get out. so I grab Sonny and my purse and run for the door. He said what the fuck are you doing? and stops up. That’s when he starts threatening me and getting in my face saying his family will help him take him away. I’m thinking no they won’t, not after what you just did, not after they hear you on tape.
So then he threatens me with a 32 oz bottle. At some point he picks up his phone and throws it in my general direction and breaks into pieces after it hits the door. He forces me to let him make Sonny go sit by him and I have to go in the other room so I don’t make things worse. I hate him, I hate him so much. I wish to God he would go away and never come back. I wish that no one in my family, or my friends or Sonny or myself ever had to have anything to do with him again.
So then Asshole come in the room and "hugs" me and says what’s wrong. I tell him, crying, that what he does isn’t right. that treating Sonny and I that way isn’t right and I beg (this part is mostly for show because I’m scared he’s going to hit me or choke me or something) for him to be nice. That I know he can be, that he used to be and to please just be nice to us.
He says he offended and tells me to leave the room. I do. He goes to the bathroom and passes out. It’s 1am so far we are ok. Sonny seems fine, if a little extra cuddly.
Me? I don’t know. I feel broken I feel like part of me is dead. Another loss of some type. I’m not even sure what it is yet. It doesn’t come from tonight, It comes from last night. I have so much anger and all I can do is wait for the apartment to come though.