Another bad might, but different

Once again I apologize for the topic, but this is my place, my sanity. This is where I keep trek of the abuse, of aspects of my life. If you are frustrated, bored our whatever you have every right to leave.

Asshole is "suicidal" again. This happens periodically. Tonight wasn’t going so bad. And then he stated talking about the funeral. and then he made me give him my car keys so he coil kg go get beer his fourth. 4 is always a bad thing. I’m beginning to think there is no good anymore just bad.

So anyway after trying to ride to the nearby store he found it closed. He took the car & got out back. & drank.

I was tired, so tired. I only got about 4 hours sleep last night because just as Sonny had started having nightmares about his father, so have I. But mine plague me while I’m still awake.

I was trying to get rest for bed & go to sleep, Sonny fell asleep on the couch. A tried to move him. And he whole up and freaked out like her had been lately. Asshole came into the room and that set sonny off. He ran from the room. I tried to keep them away from each other. I tried to make things better, but as usual it didn’t work. Asshole spanked him for being scared. He let him go and sonny ran to me. Every time I almost had him calm asshole would come over and get in his face out touch him and upset him again. I tried to th let tell him to leave him alone. I tried to make him understand he was just upsetting him more.

It just "hurt his feelings" and made him more of a dick. Rusty is when he started threatening us. Said he wanted to strangle him. Said he wanted to shoot me in the face. Said he wanted us to go. Said we had to stay but he would go. Said he’s kill us then himself. Said he’s leave before that happened because he hated us. said he wanted sex, but didn’t because he couldn’t get it up. Said he wanted to try. When I seafood I was sore and would prefer we didn’t he said he was cheating on me. Then he said he lied. Wished he was, but didn’t say it.

I rewired to tell him that it was the stuff he was doing right that moment that was freaking don’t out. He didn’t seem to get out.

Eventually her passed out. On my couch. So now its a bean bad night. I’ll get no sleep again because I’m so upset about all this and I have to get up early top get him to this damn funeral. Then work my add off just to sure be yelled at again tomorrow.

On the up note I went in for an appointment to get my apartment today. I need to get replacement ss cards for us since sonnets got misplaced "in the move" and mine got thrown away by asshole when he was cleaning the kitchen. But in about a month we could have our own place away from asshole.

I’m so scared something will go wrong that asshole will find out and hurt me our turn nee in for something. You, know just like making something up or telling about when I was on employment and working under the table.

I need help, I don’t care who you pray to, but please pray ffor ntt don and I. Please help newer to her a better life for him. Please pray for us and keep doing so untill we are safe and he had moved on realizing this is best us being apart is best short everyone.

please pray for the safety of my son and myself.

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