sucky couple of days, but not too sucky

a****** has been an a****** but what’s new? yeah I’m putting this in my voice so if you notice anything strange that’s why.

it’s been really emotional for me with everything going on Christmas in being broke too much way too much. I feel like everyone is depending on me everyone Ike I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and there’s no 1 for me to turn to.

things with my distraction have been bad. I think we’re not talking but I’m really not sure because well we hardly ever talk which is why the bad.

I’ve been crying constantly for about 3 days, 2 days ago day before yesterday and yesterday so far today I’m alright. we can only cries for so long for you to get sick on a right?

I’ve been looking for that Christmas magic special spark it doesn’t take money just takes friends and family. but alas I don’t really see my friends in my family is psychotic this year

any hope for Christmas miracle from my distraction his band greatly snubbed. bad timing I guess it’s a constant in our lives. he was at a wedding this weekend… that could have been a bad thing oh well.

a****** is acting super nice last night was kinda making me sick promising me the world I’ll never get it but it is promising it to me everything I could have wanted a said that he would never hit me again.

he feels it coming I know he does. I wish it wasn’t like this I wish it didn’t have to be this way but I can’t stand him he makes me sick. part of what’s up so guilty about my distraction was that it was like emotional cheating but on the same time it wasn’t because I feel like I haven’t been close to a really loud ass hole in so long add it doesn’t really seem to matter.

sure the loving ish emotions are going to someone outside of my relationship but they aren’t going to the person inside my relationship if I’m alone with them so what’s the difference?

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