Sorry I can’t quite remember if I wrote yesterday or not. it was basically the day before again.
Today I am doing better. At least I’m not skeaming to think of reasons to call J. Yes call. Calling is sorta a no no. I’ve missed …. I don’t know quite what to say. I want to say I miss him. but I’ve been missing him for a very long time. I miss the idea of being his friend? I miss the posiblity of us being together? I miss the way I feel, when I know there is a posiblity I’m gonna get to talk to him. OMG
Seriously I sound like a 14 yr old with a crush. And that is pretty much what he has done to me. lmao.
Really I don’t know what it is. On one hand there are things that are serious issues. It’s kinda like we are the different sides of the same coin. At our cores we are a lot alike. We’ve had a lot of the same issues, done a lot of the same things, have a lot of the same additudes about things. We are both good people who do all we can for the people we care about and are very loyal (even when/after we fuck up) The issue the is that the way we …express? them is different. There are religious issues and political “differences”.
Today I’ve looked for him a few tmes out the window. I guess I’m still looking for hope.