Ah, so todays adventures….. they are actually making my head spin. I’ve mentioned them to my friend who I tell almost everything to. But she doesn’t seem to want to philosophise about it much. I’m actually still a little annoyed with most of them right now anyway. lol
Which is of course why I write here. Not that anyone actually seems to comment or come back…. 😉
Spent most of the day with my ex. I tempted fate a few times, once I suggested he take a trip up to a mutual friends with J. He said no, he’d rather wait till he had his own car. There could have been a couple of reason’s for that, not just that they may not be on the best of terms. I think the three of them sometimes have a strange combination. I sorta think the two of them kinda double team my ex. Which is kinda fun to do and watch because he’s such a know it all. But I can see where if they do that he might not want to open himself up to it.
After seeing J every time I left the house yesterday I was both relieved and disappointed I hadn’t seen him all day. Here we were sitting in the car waiting for the time to get out and go over to the school, and a car like the one J drives for work pulls up about half a block away facing us. Ex looks and says is that J? I say idk in a totally neutral voice. My head is going um yeah, that’s him, or his fine ass look-a-like he needs to hook me up with.
Then he writes it off like na it’s not him & the guy gets out, he’s far enough away that we can’t see facial details. But I said idk maybe…. at that point my ex is getting out of the car and is almost being chesty, walking across the street. I realize he’s out of the car and get out too. The guy has gone to work and is more or less making himself scarce.
J or whoever it was could still see us, though we were farther away in front of the school. I was trying to act natural & probably failing. But we started talking to someone else and “J” left before we returned to the car. I’m pretty sure it was him. The height, hair cut & color, and build were all right.
I really wish he’d just talk to me so I could ask him. That would be awesome.
There was no other mention of him while we were out.
For the rest of this we are going to assume it was him. Because if it wasn’t him, well where is the fun with that? Besides I really do think it was him.
Obviously the first question is that of timing. He works in the field a lot, so him being at that location isn’t a big deal by it’s self. Where things get interesting is why was he there at that time? It’s a risky time to be there because it is in the school pick up zone. Even if he doesn’t know what time any other school gets out he’s seen me up there enough over the last school yr to know when I’m there.
So, was he trying to see me? or much like the coincidences of yesterday, was it an address on a list that he just happened to be going to at that time because that is the time he happens to go to places in that area?
If he was there to see me it explains why he avoided us. I don’t see why he’d avoid us if it was an accident. Or there are a few cars like mine, he may not have realized it was us and he was concentrating on doing his job.
More than figuring out motive, I’m wondering what I should do. I want to txt him, I want to leave it alone. I don’t know what the best strategy is. I think generally it would be leaving him/it alone. But with my ex involved I sorta feel like I should make an effort. And because if he was there to see me, that was a huge move on his part. With Asshole there I’m afraid he’s scared off now.
And what was with his attitude? He’s the one who tells me I should go out with him and then he gets pissed when I actually might want to? My ex has no idea what the extent of everything is. and he never will.
See I think if I was seen with any other guy it would be a good thing. It being my ex though…. fuck! And what if it wasn’t him? What if it was just a bad coincidence?
And this is what happens to me. It’s as if some unseen cosmic force pushes us in the same direction. Or at least it does in my mind. What if it isn’t him? What is there is another guy? looks the same, drives the same company car? What if all this shit is just what I want to see?
what is with the treating me like a leper thing? why disappear? why stop talking to me?
I want to explain things. Damn it! I want him to talk to me!