The Power of 3 – Day 38 – 3 Days, 3 Weeks, 3 Months

Finally moving on to today entry. I woke up not wanting to move and cursing whoever thought daylight savings time was a good idea. I ended up getting up and continuing to run 20 mins late till I got Sonny to school. We were both ok with that. Instead of being stressed yelling & crying we were both quite happy with our selves.

I’ve been feeling one part laid back, part feisty, and a little part oh god now what all day. I keep wanting to call J, but have decided that I really need to take the advice of a very wise quote I found last night. If you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything and let the universe guide you in the right direction or something like that.

Since while part of me doesn’t know what to do, another part of me knows I’m best off not pushing and letting J do his thing. I had a friend check his page for me today. I didn’t want to…. well if I’m being honest, I didn’t want to see anything I didn’t want to see because I’m actually in a good mood today. I wanted her to tell me if he was off today or working.

He didn’t mention anything about being off, so he is probably working. I have my reason’s for this. It basically helps with my sanity, so I know for sure whether or not the work vehicles I see may or may not be him. Yeah I know, but I see him around so damn much that it’s just unnerving.

Speaking of which, I do believe there is a look alike, but usually in a different model of work vehicle. I was waiting for Sonny today taking to a friend and the guy drove by. Similar enough face shape that I did a double take and had to stare a little to make sure. Not as cute though, Like not even hottie on a bad day. Had tatts as well, but not the same, almost the same hair cut, but darker. Dudes face kinda looked like a bad make-up of trying to make someone older, kinda leathery, a little off color. But not that old, just looked older than he should be. It was weird.

Anyway I think that was the guy I saw driving by when I was in the parking lot a week or two ago. Which means J probably thinks I’m nuts for that one. Of course I did give myself a slight out by saying it might be a look alike.

Asshole is being a dick. Not to me, but to someone else. They were going to give him a ride somewhere, but they are flaking. Now he’s acting all butt hurt about it. He’s also acting like a 13 yr old. I’m pretty much sick of his crap, nothing new there.

My next dilemma is whether or not I should tell J happy st patricks day. I was thinking about doing it tonight, since he’ll be with his family tomorrow. Now that I think about it I probably won’t do it at all. He hasn’t done anything to encourage further communication. I just want to.

Another quote, this one from a movie, that I’m trying to keep stuck in my head is that if a guy is interested he will make it happen. If he wants to talk to you, he’ll call ( or txt). With that thought firmly in my brain I will grudgingly go along with the logic that any communication is a bad idea unless I am responding to him.

I’ve got so many things going on, so much stress. Sometimes things will set me off and that makes me want to contact him more. I know on some levels that being with him would be a nightmare. There are very big gaps when it comes to religion and some of the political stuff. I honestly have no idea how I fell for him.

That’s not totally true. I saw him with one of his oldest and best friends. I saw him when he had stepped down off the soap box. I saw him when we disagreed and how we handled disagreeing about something that was so important to each of us. In our own ways. I saw the things he hides, even sometimes from himself.

Another thing that is different than from anyone else I’ve ever liked this much is that I know exactly (at least exactly when I realize) when I fell for him. I don’t have the exact date but i do know the week and I remember the night in agonizing detail. I also know exactly when I lost him. I don’t know why, at least not the emotions behind it. Not for sure, but I know the night, the day, when everything changed. Since that moment, nothing has ever been exactly the same.

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