Catching up 7/11/15

Something I have said a lot on this is that I haven’t written in a while. But that is usually a good thing because a lot of times I write a lot when I’m stressed or sad. When I was young I used to sing when I was sad.

I pushed some people away recently. You know the usual. The ex who’s married trying to push me into seeing him. You know just something like lets meet next week for a drink. I said that was a bad idea. He pushed a little more and I had to set him straight. Not mean really, but I did say look you can keep asking and I can keep saying no or you can just talk to me on here.

The thing with him is that meeting for a drink isn’t simply meeting for a drink. It’s prelude to sex. What he and I had was amazing. Maybe too good to last, maybe the kind of thing that couldn’t. But he was hurting. He’s lonely & bored. I didn’t know what to do.

On the same night I talked to another guy. Another person from the past who keeps showing up. We had a short intense relationship. Which ended when he told me he was in love with someone else. I was falling in love with him.

Every few years we’d reconnect, but it never worked. Thinking back I think every time after the first time was about him wanting more than I could give him. I think in every relationship that has the potential to be love there is a magic point. This point can be at different points in the relationship for each person, but each one has is. If you mess things up on one side of the point, you don’t fall in love. If, you mess them up on the other side though, you will always love them, regardless if it ever works.

He was on the side where he fell in love, I was on the other side. And though I care about him and love him, I think he crushed me too deeply without putting in the time needed. Idk, I just know that it didn’t work, doesn’t work.

So I told him that his pushing me to do what he wanted was pushing me away. I’m assertive bordering on aggressive. I think he’s a little to far on the aggressive end for me. I told him more or less that I cared for him, that I understand how he felt because I’d felt that way about people ( J) but that he needed to stop the idea that I was the one and open himself to the idea of being with someone else. Someone that would fit with him better.

I imagine that he didn’t take it well, but he hasn’t unfriended me or blocked me yet.

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