Friday, April 12, 2024

I’m feeling a little tense today. Or at least this evening. I really shouldn’t be this awake and nervous this late at night. I’m not sure where to start with things. I mean, what’s “bothering” me right now is a little up in the air.

I do miss talking to Brad. We’ve been talking less lately, but seeing each other a bit more. I mean anything is more than once every year. But it’s been maybe once a month?

He said he wanted to help me pay for some work on my car. He seemed to be surprised when he heard my sister sent me a little money to help me with my car. Or maybe it was that I put it on Facebook. But I do share my hardships on there more than my successes. But then again, I don’t think I have any successes.

I was really happy when Brad said he’d help me with the car. It just made me happy that he wants to go there with me. Especially because I was starting to think he was getting sick of me or mad at me.

He wasn’t, and he knew he had messed up a little bit. Cuz the next day he kissed my ass. and then I sucked his dick. Yes, kissing my ass and being nice goes a very long way with me. Especially when you really didn’t do that much wrong.

I think I need to start writing here more and just spend more time focusing on me. Cuz I’ve really been missing him lately. I’ve missed talking to him. I just have. I can’t help it. I haven’t been real flirty lately though.

It might have something to do with the energy going on. This last week has been crazy astrological. Last week was actually supposed to be one of the craziest weeks energetically. April in general has a lot going on.

He also said two things that are stuck in my mind. One was that he was at husband of my ex best friends house. Now he may have said that because we don’t really talk about my ex bestie. So it may have just been that.

But he also mentioned he wants me to be myself. We’ll get back to that. The two of these together though make me wonder if the ex bestie and her husband finally broke up. I wouldn’t be shocked at all, they’ve almost done it a few times. Mostly because sheisn’t really being who she is. She’s playing house, in the bad way.

I do kinda want to ask him if I did something to make him think I wasn’t being genuine. Or something. I’ll have to go over some things. I also need to call. I’ve got a lot to do. It’s my son’s birthday this Sunday and I’m not ready. and the next weekend or two we are doing stuff because of it.

I love him and doing things with him, it’s all the other people and my car that stress me out. I always feel like I haven’t done enough. That’s why I feel like I don’t have any successes. I never feel like I’m succeeding, just that I’m surviving.

I guess I just have to try and keep going.